Holding on...

OK i know its almost been a year and that's a long time, which is why i feel this blog is going to be s special one, special because it will be a little different, a way that who ever reading this gets at least a fair idea of how my time has been.

Allot has happened in my life in the past months and it has changed me as a person...or so id like to believe. Iv been hurt, selfish and strong and iv seen myself go through it all. Iv seen hope, miracles and blessings and iv seen trying, luck and love all work in ways we usually read about in those sappy self help books or on those TV shows we just happen to see while changing channels. Iv seen change come and go like i would never have imagined to see and its all been one hell of a ride.

All these thoughts have been circling in my head along with memories, secrets, lies and some bits of reality in my very illogical mind, and iv just been keeping it in me all this time learning every time i bring them back from the back of my mind to just wonder where it went right or wrong. That would be the main reason as to why I'm writing this blog today, it is my favourite medium one that i choose to vent all my feelings out, without the fear of an opinion being made or a judgement being formed of me or my circumstances.

What changed me is a number of incidents and experiences that i have been through which i will not get into much detail of, after all its not who we are but who we grow to become that matters.

My last blog was on love its true meaning and how i believed that it was the one real thing we had left in this cold and fake planet we call our home. Don't get me wrong its not like all of sudden i am a negative bitch or something its just that i have...grown? cliche! i know but its true. From having all my dreams come true all of a sudden to exploring and losing an emotion such as love for perhaps the first time i can safely say that i have grown and understood life in a way i never thought i could.

Honestly speaking i was always one of those people who felt that she knew everything from the start... yes u can say i was the typical arrogant, slightly full of herself, selfish, confident kind of girl who felt she could never be wrong. But life decided to teach me a lesson in its own unique way, one that i can never forget. I am still arrogant and selfish and all of that stuff but i would say that i do accept the fact more easily now that i just have allot to learn and life is way more complicated than i had imagined it to be with who knows what more coming up ahead.

When they say be careful what you wish for or you just might get it they mean it, because nothing can hurt more and later maybe even heal more than a wrong decision and what you learn from it.

Another thing iv just learnt to believe in more is that time moves on fast and in a blink of an eye you will end up places you never dreamt you would be, or probably only dreamt you would be. Life does have its perfect moments but one should never forget, that what goes up must come down and that's why it is importantly to live every moment as if tomorrow never comes.

From learning how to live in Dubai, making sudden plans on moving to India and almost giving up on my dream to ever living in Australia i had been through a lot. I trusted some people and that didn't work out very well, as i realised that hope from people you should not trust is worse than having no hope at all.

On the other hand i did get a chance to strengthen some of my bonds and got a better idea of who i can count on in the future, and the answer as i should have expected it to be was family.

The moment i thought that life had something i was not in favour of planned for me and that the battle for trying to get what i wanted was over, i had almost given up. But someone suddenly decided to give me what i wanted as if for once my idea of how i wanted my life to be was being taken under consideration. I say this because i believe that we all have plans and that's good, but personally its not of much use when what you should be doing has already been planned out for you in this annoying cosmic thing called "destiny".

So my destiny probably took a break for a second there and by sheer luck my one dream of coming to Australia came true with obvious warnings of how it was going to be way tougher than the path that had probably been originally planned for me. But i kept at it and accepted it no matter what because it was my dream and an opportunity i was not willing to give up on, and so i went to Sydney to start a new life.

Believing in your dream is very important as i believe it is one of those things that define you if you are passionate enough you will get what you truly want later if not sooner and how you stick through that difficult waiting period shows your true character.

I waited, prioritised and put everything i had out there to get to where i am today and after 3 months of living and studying in Sydney the battle is far from over.

There are i times when i want to run away from what i decided i wanted but that is an option that i have not given myself. As my dad always says "no matter who gives up on your dream, you don't..not now not ever"

I am currently at a stage in my life where i can see what i want and i have all these plans on how i want to get it but i often tend to forget that my only way to get what i want is to take one step at a time.We all plan our lives out but forget one thing, to keep some flexibility in our plans so that in the worst case scenario we can improvise and even though not all of us are good at it we should still try, because when the worst case scenario comes true we should remember that its not our plans that help us but hope, the one option no matter how logical and strong we believe we are that we have to hold on to as it is the only way to survive.

So in the end when its all finally come to an end and life gets ready to start a new chapter for us, we express gratitude which i believe is not just thanking god its all over but appreciating yourself and admiring the struggle it takes to be human.